Does this make sense???

My brain is really trying to figure this one out but i am at a loss. Why do i want another baby when i know i can't have one... wait i think i just figured it out i want one because i can't have one. My sis in law is pregnant and i am soooo jealous. My good friend is antcipation of the birth of her third and the last two times she was pregnant so was i. Before i got my tubes tied i told my husband absoulutely that was what i wanted. Then i had a hysterectomy and now i feel robbed. A girl i met up here said she had a DR.s appt and her husband was going and i was like i bet she is pregnant. Why do i feel this way? My kids are so close in age i had 4 kids in 4 yrs. When i was in the middle of newborn, toddler and kindergartner i was soooo busy. Don't get me wrong i am still busy but it seems like no one really wants to help a mother of 4 school age kids. I think that it is just sinking in that life with an 8,7,5 and almost 4 yr old is hard but i liked it when it was harder(how does that make any sense). I just loved having a baby crawling around or holding a chubby little 10 mo old playing peek a boo or there first halloween. I guess i liked the good attention, now all i get is oh wow you had your kids close. How old are you??? At times i think man i am so happy i don't have to wake up in the night but, when my sister tells me her 5 mo old is eating cereal for the first time i just wish i had the power to go back in time. I guess all i am going to learn from this is cherish every moment because i can hardly remember the things i thought i would NEVER EVER forget!!!!